Does how we live determine how we die?

I’ve been pondering the question for sometime. It was part of the impetus to live last year as if it was my last. To die without regret. But a “good death” is so much more than just dying without regret.

As in the rest of life, our experience is not determined solely by our circumstances. Most of us will not be able to control the circumstance around our own death, but I believe that we can control our experience of it.

As a teenager I was at the death-bed of a family friend in the hospital. His withered body clung to what was left of his life, his face twisted and distorted in fear. The horror of that death thwarted my plans to become a nurse.

More recently I’ve had the opportunity to be with a few others at the end of their life and their passing was much different. It was peaceful, numinous, and full of love.

I’ve long been a believer that how we do something is how we do everything, and I can’t help but wonder if that includes death. In my own near-death boat trip I experienced acceptance, deep gratitude and that peace that surpasses all understanding. I wondered if there might be a way to support others in having a “good death”. That lead to the creation of Bcelebrated.

I was deeply touched by the eulogy Mona Simpson wrote for her brother Steve Jobs. It was not surprising that a man who lived as he did died the way he did.

It makes sense that the man who dropped out of college and trusted it would all work out, audited courses that interested him without knowing where it would lead, continued doing what he loved in the face of very public rejection, started over when devastated by the loss of the entire focus of his life, let go of success and discovered "the lightness of being a beginner" in his middle age, considered death to be the greatest change agent in life – clearing out the old and making way for the new, looked in the mirror every morning and asked himself “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” and when the answer for too many days in a row was “no” he made a change… it makes sense that the man who trusted his intuition and followed his curiosity with an open heart would end his life surrounded by people who loved him, looking into the distance saying, “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.”

Bring more “Oh Wows” into your life right now, where you are, with the people you love, in the work you do, with the condition of your body…. or make the necessary changes immediately.

To help life’s greatest change agent clear out the old and bring in the new in your life consider joining the 12 month mystery school, A Year to Live, beginning this January 6^th. You'll be guided through questions and practices that help you to live more fully, more deeply, and more authentically than ever before.

I wish you all the best for the incredible year ahead, and for your whole life.

Express Your Gratitude Now

One of the reasons we created Bcelebrated was to give you an opportunity to leave words of gratitude, appreciation, advice, consolation and LOVE to those who matter to you. But that doesn't mean you should wait til you bite it to let people know you care.

Since November is a time of remembering and giving thanks, why not use this month to show your gratitude in ways big and small. So often our hearts are full of gratitude but we are so busy making noise we forget to listen to that still small voice saying "thank you. thank you."

So how about checking in each day this month, just for a moment, and listening to your heart beating it's tune of thanks. THEN ACT ON IT.

Do something, ANYTHING, to express your gratitude. It may be a simple smile in a check out line, a quick email, phone call, or hand-written note to someone who keeps coming to mind. It doesn't matter what you do - your heart will direct you. If it feels good when you think about doing it, just do it.

You may think you're doing it for the person who came to mind, but you'll soon come to realize you're doing it for yourself. The more gratitude you express, the more gratitude you feel. The more gratitude you feel, the more joy, peace and love fill your life. It's a win-win!

I recently wrote a thank you note to a man who's name I do not know, and who I will probably never meet.

I met his son at the Friday Venice Farmer's Market. I had been buying lamb there for some time because they'd told me how well they care for their land and the animals. Last week I asked Ibrahim how they slaughter the lambs and goats. I was so touched by the love and care they show their animals right up to the moment of their death that I was moved to tears. All week long I thought about that sweet moment of sharing tears of tenderness with this farmer's son.

Yesterday I wrote a note to the farmer thanking him for caring for his animals in this way, for making his meat available to us city folk, and making it possible for me to eat meat in a way that is congruent with my values. The letter begins "Dear Sir..." because I don't know this man, and probably never will. I will give the note to his son when I see him next.

Writing the note I thought of all the small family farms around the world being run by people who care enough about the land, their animals, and the rest of us, to make the harsh sacrifices it requires to farm honourably. I was delighted to be able to express my deep gratitude to one of them.

I am grateful that you took the time to read this, Thank you.
Debra Joy

Celebrating Caroline Flanders

What does it mean to be a life-cycle celebrant?

A "Life-Cycle Celebrant (R)" ("Celebrant") is a professional officiant who has undergone training and certification through the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (CFI). CFI is a *world-wide* organization with thousands of Celebrants from all walks of life and all ages. A Celebrant has mastered the craft of active listening and creative writing to bring forth a unique ceremony that is a true reflection of the values and beliefs of their client. Celebrants officiate ceremonies for all of life's experiences incorporating appropriate readings, music, and ritual. A Celebrant has a holistic and inclusive world view which brings forth an opportunity to mark the milestones of life in religious or non-religious context, spiritual or secular. Embracing the call of serving as a Life-Cycle Celebrant (R) is to serve in a vocation in which one provides companionship and clarity to the people served, bringing forth a poignant and visceral experience of crossing a threshold through ceremony.

Was there a moment you decided to work with people at the end of their life,

or was it a natural progression?

My vocation has been a life-long unfolding. I can remember a time at a very early age when the seeds were planted that ultimately brought me to this work. I also realize that my call has likely not reached its full expression. I continue to evolve and grow in my practice to depths previously unimagined. My professional experience was marked by service in the health care arena for nearly 25 years, including employment at the City of Hope Cancer Center and later Long Island East End Hospice. At some point, I discovered that I had the heart and the capacity for companioning individuals who were faced with end-of-life. This work is certainly not for everyone. It takes a willingness to surrender, be unequivocally present, and to simply be a channel of grace bringing forth the experience that is needed in each unique situation. Now, in my mid-forties, I am an owner of a funeral establishment and have a thriving practice as a Life-Cycle Celebrant officiating end-of-life ceremonies. I am also a graduate holding a Bachelor of Theology and a licensed prayer practitioner with the Centers for Spiritual Living. My past experience of working with the ill and the bereaved, coupled with my grounded spiritual awareness and practice, allows me to bring a depth of care and true compassion to my work. It is absolutely a "calling" and one which I embrace with both humility and passion. I love my work and I am enthusiastic about where my continued journey will lead me.

You're a very attractive young woman -

Are people surprised by you when you show up to officiate a funeral?

Ah shucks, Debra ~ This is a *good* one! It actually does come up quite a bit. Not so much being considered attractive as being a female in a male-dominant career. I think that people are more surprised by my role as a leader and companion in funeral directing than they are when I am present as a chaplain or celebrant. I believe that the mainstream has grown accustomed to seeing women in helping roles, particularly those roles which are spiritual in nature. When I show up at a bedside to bring someone's body into my care, it is very common for me to hear a reaction from family members who are surprised that a petite, "young" woman is doing this work. Once I go deeper into the continuum of care, working closely with the family in making and carrying out arrangements, they soon discover that the softness and nurturing presence I exude is real and is part of who I am. When I show up to officiate a service, especially for Veterans, there is a softening among the people when I am introduced as a Veteran myself and the people realize that I am their spiritual guide and chaplain for their ceremony. When I share with people my background experiences, that I was in the military and now that I own a funeral establishment, they are usually surprised!

What is it that keeps you inspired in the work that you do?

Pure grace. Grace is the unfolding of awe and wonder when I am given even the smallest glimpse of the impact of being a companion at end of life has on a family who is enduring a deeply sad experience. It is *always* a privilege to serve.

Is there a ceremony that stands out as being particularly meaningful or unique?

Truly, *every* ceremony brings forth a unique and poignant "healing." With that said, I had a remarkable opportunity to work with a couple who had lost their newborn daughter when they were stationed on Guam as a young Navy family....44 years prior to my becoming involved with their "arrangement." The young parents had no other options at the time of their daughter's death but to inter her at the Navy burial ground overseas. Over the ensuing decades, they felt a deep sense of grief and a longing to "bring their daughter home" so that they could feel near to her and so that they could feel as if they "had her in their care." I had the opportunity to serve as their Funeral Director in bringing their daughter's remains back to the United States and arranging for her placement at the National Cemetery in San Diego at Point Loma. Along the way, we became very close and I realized that I probably was the perfect companion for them, me being the very same age as their beloved daughter. Together, we co-created a marvelous and beautiful ceremony for the baby's final committal. Lullabies were sung, bubbles were blown, and Mom and Dad had the opportunity to cradle the tiny urn in their arms before laying their daughter to final rest. It was an experience which I will never, ever forget.

Can you tell us a bit about what it's like for people to plan their end of life ceremony

while they are alive?

Start the conversation! Embrace the opportunities, the moments of grace, when you are in a space to communicate your intimate wishes with your beloved family. Make it fun. Celebrate your uniqueness and have a laugh or two. Thinking ahead does not have to be filled with dread or sadness; for therein lies a most excellent opportunity to reflect on the important milestones of your life journey, to bring an expression of love and gratitude to the people who touched your life, and to bring clarity and peace of mind to those who will ultimately carry out your care. Thinking ahead to end of life goes far beyond establishing financial trusts or making funeral arrangements. While those endeavors are crucially important, engaging in life review and actually recording your thoughts and wishes remains a healing event for you personally and a comforting, guiding tool for your loved ones at your time of need. Looking at all aspects of final care, including a personal life review and individual communications to those who have touched your life, brings forth a sense of peace, clarity, and freedom unlike any other possible experience. Your final commemoration, in whatever form it takes, is a final gift to those you leave behind. A ceremony marks this essential threshold of life and gives the bereaved an opportunity to meet this end and step into a new experience of life without your physical presence. That life becomes infinite and all ways available to them by their fondest memories. Embrace the opportunity to be in this conversation.

How important do you think this is?

Like any practice, engaging in this thought process and being in conversation about end of life is easier and easier with time. The veil of mystery and the dread of loss softens as focus is turned to illuminate the many gifts and treasures of *life*. Bypassing the conversations surrounding death only serves to bring the pain full-force when the event ultimately occurs. Life review and preparation brings a significant peace of mind and an opportunity to embrace final moments with clarity and absolute presence.

Since you are always aware of death. what inspired you to join A Year to Live?

I saw my experiment as an opportunity to *finally* get my own affairs in order in a *significant* and holistic way. Not so much as an opportunity to see "what it feels like" to consider end of life, I am familiar with that; but rather, an opportunity to put into personal practice what I seem to teach to people all around me. It is my sincere desire to leave a legacy of clarity and organized affairs so that my family will not be placed into the throes of chaos not knowing what my wishes are and not knowing where to begin in settling my affairs.

Perhaps more than anything, Bcelebrated is giving me the container to outline my specific desires of how I wish to THANK and COMMEMORATE *OTHERS* who have touched *my* life! When my friends and family show up for my final ceremony, they will know exactly how much I loved them and exactly how they touched my life. My immediate next of kin will know exactly how to settle my business affairs and what steps to take to close out those many earthly things. A Year to Live has be a beacon in my process of taking steps to provide this gift to my family at my end.

Can you share any insights or experiences that have come from doing this experiment?

Oh boy! I came to full realization that I really have not been organized and "ready." I have had thoughts and ideas about end of life and what I might leave behind. However, I never realized the full extent of how important it is to arrange my affairs so that it is truly an experience of ease and grace for my family. I still have a great deal to do! With that said, BCelebrated gives me a touchstone and a perfect container to build and store those "affairs."

You can reach Caroline Flanders at:

http://www.celebrantoflife.com

Office: (760) 723-9241

Fail at Something

Is fear of failure keeping you from doing something? anything?

If so, my advice to you is to go fail at something. Get it out of the way. Learn that you will actually live through failure. You may even learn from it. You'll grow from it. Failure leads to discovery, invention and progress. If you aren't failing you aren't progressing in your life.

I'll take it a step further and say that if you aren't failing you aren't really living. To really live takes risk. It's the people who fall over in a yoga pose that are stretching themselves, pushing themselves and learning new ways to be in their bodies. If you have never fallen flat on your mat then you've never really done yoga.

This very advice is what I gave to a friend of mine earlier this year. I was saddened seeing her live on the sidelines of her own life. Her fear of failure kept her paralyzed in the pursuit of her own dreams, while she analyzed, evaluated and critiqued others who were attempting to achieve theirs. With love I mustered the courage to say to her "Just go fail at something". And she took it to heart.

A few weekends ago she emailed me to tell me she was following my advice. She was going to audition for a dance company. Twenty years prior she had been a dancer. A beautiful, gifted, graceful dancer. Now she sat on the couch watching Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. The greatest thing about this note from her was that she was completely unattached to the outcome. She was putting herself out by auditioning and she was doing it for the love of the dance, and the love she was able to muster for herself.

A few days later she called me as she was driving home from the audition. She laughed as she said "They didn't expect me. Fifty years old and fifty pounds overweight. But I did it. They were gracious. I was stiff. I did my best. I'm glad I did it". Our conversation was so lighthearted and joyful. Rarely had I heard her sound so free. It made my heart sing. Then yesterday she let me know that she made it. She got in the dance company. This November I'll be going to her first performance. And all this because she was willing to fail.

Fear is natural. It can save your life at times, but if you let it run you it will zap your life. The way to overcome fear is always love. If you can harness the love you have for some thing, some experience, someone else or yourself you can overcome the fear of failure.

And let's be honest, you've already failed a million times in your life. You've just forgotten.

If you weren't willing to fail you would still be sitting in a wet diaper waiting for someone to pick you up. It was that desire to get somewhere that got you crawling, and then walking. You didn't just decide one day to walk and then glide across the floor gracefully. No, you stumbled onto your wobbly legs and threw on foot in front of the other, falling on your bum more often than reaching your destination. People probably gathered round and cheered you on. They called your name. They believed you could do it. They were invested in your success. And what did you do?

You failed and you failed and then you failed again. Nobody stopped loving you. Nobody abandoned you. They loved you every time you tumbled, hit your face on the coffee table and cried.

So if you really want to live, go fail at something.

The Sweet Life

There's nothing quite like summer vacation to remind me how sweet life can be.

Sun shining, lakes sparkling, kids laughing, cherry juice staining my fingers, bbq aromas filling the air. There's nowhere to get, and nothing to accomplish.

I love summer vacation. It reminds me of how little I need to be happy.

Sometimes a reminder is all we need.

What are your sweetest memories in life?

Record them in your Bcelebrated site, so they'll be shared with your loved ones even after you are gone.

Loving Without Reserve

We were discussing Dan Lewk's memorial over a cup of tea when Paul said, "If I knew I was going to die, I'd live differently." "You are going to die." I said, "So what do you want to do?"

"Skydiving and bungee jumping," he responded, his eyes taking on a faraway look. I had an image of him soaring through the air, arms spread-eagle, heart exposed. It was a breathtaking vision.

Then he added in a serious tone, "But I don't want to bungee jump ... or skydive."

"So what might that be a metaphor of in your life?" I asked, intrigued by where this might lead. After some consideration he responded with teary eyes, "Loving without reserve."

The metaphor made perfect sense. Loving without reserve - free falling, not knowing where we will land, or if we will be safe. Fear holds us back from many things, including loving fully.

What might happen if you really loved without reserve? You'd be vulnerable - perhaps, unsure of where it was taking you - probably, and at risk of getting hurt - possibly.

But the reward of facing your fear and jumping out of a plane is that you get to soar. You see the world from a different point of view. You feel the rush of being fully alive. It doesn't last very long, but the experience stays with you a lifetime.

It's the same thing with facing your fear and loving without reserve. You may not be able to do it all the time, but if you do it even a little, the experience will stay with you forever.

What are you waiting for?

When we Stop Fearing Mortality

When we embrace our mortality we embrace our humanity, and there is the potential of great joy in just being human. I discovered that by spending time with people who were close to death. The honesty, humility, wisdom, and love that emerges during times of vulnerability cracks me open and fills me with awe. That's why we created Bcelebrated - to help people find the simple joy that comes from being human, sharing love, thoughts, and stories.

Our society has embraced a pathological denial of death, an obsession with retaining ones youth, and a compulsion to increase longevity.

A participant in A Year to Live asked me the other day if this project is easier for young people or older people. He's in his 70's and this experiment is causing him to evaluate his life and passions and get clear on the gifts he must share with the world. I don't know the answer to his question, but I assume the experience is more relevant to one in the second half of life than it would be to one in the first half of life.

This participant told me that he'd read studies that it's possible to live to 150 years old and asked what I thought of that. "Why?" was my response. "Why would we want to live to 150 when so few of us are actually living now?" I imagine that evaluating his life as he has done in this experiment, it might be reassuring to have a life expectancy of eighty more years stretched out before him, but there's a sense of urgency that comes when time is running out. A sharpness of focus comes to life when we realize we're nearing the end.

So many of us live our lives unconsciously, driven by our habits and fears. Pushing the finish line farther away is what so many people are trying to do now, and it doesn't seem to be giving their life meaning.

Cherishing my human experiences, accepting what comes my way, relishing my relationships, and nurturing my connection to all that is divine becomes the core of my life when I embrace my own mortality and realize that I won't have 100 more years to enjoy my life. I may only have today.

Happy Mother's Day

Everywhere you turn, advertisers are reminding you that tomorrow is Mother's Day, and flowers, chocolates, spa treatments - or whatever it is they're selling - is what your mom wants most. They're all wonderful ideas, but have you every thought about what your mom really wants - and I don't mean just for Mother's Day.

How well do you know your mom?

Have you ever spent time asking her questions, the way you would with a potential friend or a date? Do you know what makes her happy? What frightens her? What her hopes and dreams are? What are her favorite memories? What does she consider to be her greatest success? What's the best advice she ever received? If she had her life to live over again, what other paths would she explore? Is there a secret desire she's never shared, that she might tell you if you were really interested?

This is a wonderful time to really get to know your mom in a deeper way before it's too late. Life is a finite experience for us all. Make the best of it.

• Take advantage of our special. Buy your mom a Bcelebrated site for only $25.00 until May 15th - by entering the code Mother when you purchase a lifetime membership. Capture your mom's story, her legacy, and her love.
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• Create a private page on your Bcelebrated site for anyone who's mothered you. Express your appreciation and love, so they will have it forever.

A Year to Live - A Stillness Keeps Calling Me.

A mysterious stillness is calling me. Within it lies deep ecstasy.

~ my journal, April 20

Chronic Fatigue is visiting me after having been away for some years now. Since my return from Hawaii I've spent more time asleep, or at least in bed, than I've spent out of it. In that time I've also experienced fevers, joint pain, and a rash that covered the bottom of my face and spread down my neck. I had to cancel a trip to Florida to visit my folks and a trip to Chicago to spend passover with my in-laws. All of this has made my personal experience of A Year to Live very real.

My intention for starting this experiment was to find out who I am when everything else is stripped away. (something I've only witnessed in loved ones who are close to death) I wanted to discover my priorities, my deepest values, to feel things more intensely and love completely before I got near to the end of my own life. I had plans (how I laugh at that now) of how the year might go: I would swim in the wild with dolphins, which I did. I would spend more time with the people I love, I would vacation for a month in Vancouver. I would continue on a path of health in spirit and body and feel vibrant and alive by embracing death.

If I had been given a real diagnosis of a year to live, it's quite likely I wouldn't be in any kind of shape to fulfill all the plans that I had. I might very well be at the mercy of a disease that would keep me close to home and perhaps in bed. Having fatigue that keeps me in this states is enabling me to get so much more out of this experiment than I even thought possible. While my energy and plans have been stripped away I am discovering who I am at a deeper level. I am wrapped in a mysterious grace as this experiment unfolds.

The irony is not lost on me that I spend hours a day lying in bed in savasana (corpse pose). There is a death that is underway. Just as the caterpillar becomes the butterfly, I am in the chrysalis of transformation. I am still, wrapped tight, unable to see what lies ahead. While I wouldn't have chosen this on a conscious level, I know that my soul's longings are being met in this process.

In this stillness of exhaustion I have become clear on my priorities. I have become aware of what I want to do,and how it differs from what I need to do for my own fulfillment in this life. I have learned to trust the divine even more and see life as ever abundant. I am practicing not just noticing my intuition, but acting on it. Mostly I am enjoying the deep connection I feel with the life that is teeming within me and around me.

One day last week I was so exhausted that after showering and eating breakfast I went back to bed. I couldn't sleep, but neither could I stand nor walk. I lay in bed with my eyes closed and enjoyed the sounds of the world outside as I often do. But this day everything struck me in a different way. In an instant I was engulfed in a state of ecstasy, in which I not only heard the birds singing, I was the birdsong. I didn't just feel the breeze, I was the air touching my skin. This intensity of alertness, attention and stillness lead me to this experience that was so overwhelming I cried tears of joy. I even became the tears. It lasted a long long time.

People reach this state without experiencing months of fatigue, but right now, fatigue is my path and my body is my guru. The journey to what I really want and who I really am, is the purpose of this year for me.

Living and Dying with A Year To Live

One of the blessings of hosting A Year to Live is that many of the participants share intimate details of their experience with me. Laura sent me this email describing how her year has been since she first became aware of A Year to Live, and has allowed me to share it with you. She beautifully describes the very intent of this experiment, and the larger goals of Bcelebrated.

In November I received a call that my mother's cancer had spread and that she had been given three months to live. I settled things here and drove up north to visit. I intended to stay a week, I instead stayed 4 months.

My mother had been on chemo for 6-1/2 years for reoccurring breast cancer. She had initially been diagnosed in her 50s was treated, in remission. Seven years ago, the cancer returned.

In the kindest of moves, mom's doctor suggested hospice, and once my sister and I arrived, my mom signed on. And then we lived. Daily. With my mom fading a little bit each day. I'd like to say we were better people, I'd like to say that my mom was able to enjoy those last few months. But I don't know if any of that is true. We talked, we laughed, we got irritated, we got over it.

I have never been more aware of mortality, of my mother's ability to fight, of her love, and of her final acceptance of death.

My mother had a "good death," she faded away, never complaining of pain though her body was ravaged by cancer. She never needed the morphine the hospice workers provided, and though a slip of a thing, until two days before her passing she got up daily, dressed and came to the table for meals and to be with the family.

Because life is never about just one thing, and is instead a series of threads running in and out, in December my father fell and cracked his hip, and just about the entire time I was staying there, my doctor's were running tests to determine if I might have cancer as well. So, during the time of my mother's dying, a time of some peace actually, there were other dramas afoot as well.

Mom died in mid-January, just six days short of her 74th birthday. We held a memorial at the end of the month. In February I had surgery and it was finally determined that I did not have cancer. We scattered mom's ashes at the end of the month and I headed home once I'd fully recovered from surgery in March.

Coming home has been odd, unsettling. Though my boyfriend made it possible for me to be away, he was angry that I hadn't been here for him and he wanted me to be able to pick up where I left off, but that's not possible when you've lost someone, it changes who you are and you can't explain that to someone else.

Throughout, I have been keenly aware that life is fleeting, that we have no guarantees of a sunny tomorrow, that we need to wring all the life out of each day that we can. It isn't easy in these busy days — but we have to remember and make time for that — it is important.

We run from place to place always aware that there is much more to do before we sleep. Then not sleeping well for there is too much we need do still and we cannot quiet our minds.

I am trying to take a break every day to just be, to marvel at the world around us. To not take the people and places I love for granted. To make a practice of giving love and respect in every conversation of honoring the people who come into my life.

~ Laura Q.

Caterpillars to Butterflies

Do you know why a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? It's not due to the caterpillar's hard work, good education or social standing. It's who she was meant to be.

When the time for transformation in a caterpillar's life arrives it hangs upside down from a branch, wrapped in a cocoon. Once safely inside, tiny cells called imaginal cells begin to form. These cells are wholly different from caterpillar cells. The vibrate at a higher frequency. They are so different that the caterpillar's immune system attacks and kills them, but the imaginal cells of the butterfly multiply so quickly that the immune system cannot keep up. These little cells start clumping together, sending high frequency messages to one another. Soon there are more butterfly cells than caterpillar cells. This continues until at just the right time a butterfly will emerge where a caterpillar once was.

Do you feel that you're living a caterpillar's life, but there's a butterfly inside you waiting to be born? Many of us long to be the Pheonix, experience the Resurrected Life, but if we're unwilling to face the death that comes before it we miss out on the greater life that is calling us. The Pheonix had to burn to the ground before it could rise from the ashes.

Is there a life you dream of living, a person you long to become, but you fear giving up the life you have now, and the person you are in order to have it? Sure, we'd all like to know exactly how are dreams will come about, but it doesn't work that way my friend. True transformation feels like death at times. Like the caterpillar - life often turns upside down and you can't see a damned thing.

If, like many others, you feel that your life is crumbling around you and you can't make sense of it, trust that you will rise like the pheonix or the butterfly. Soon you will fly.

A Year to Live - From Resistance to Acceptance

From the moment I decided to experiment with A Year to Live I knew it wouldn't be totally authentic. It's all well and good to dream big dreams, create a bucket list, and boldly experience all I want to do, when I'm healthy and A Year to Live is just a concept, an experiment, another adventure to explore. If I had truly been given a diagnosis that I had a year to live it's most likely that my health would be failing and my ability to do all that I wanted to do would be limited. My hopes and dreams may take a back seat to the reality of my physical condition.

In the past few weeks I've invited the participants of A Year to Live to start paying attention, to nature, to mundane tasks, to meaningful activities, to what's happening outside of them and what's happening inside them. All of that is a way of making each of us present to WHAT IS. When we become present to what is, it's a little easier to accept what is. It doesn't mean we give up preferences, or we stop working to change things, but that desire to improve or change things comes from a place of accepting what is rather than wasting energy resisting it.

Well, today I got to experience that first hand. My bucket list for a Year to Live was simple - 1) spend more time with the people I love and 2) swim in the wild with dolphins. Well, already I've had a week in Hawaii with my closest friend and her family and I've swum with dolphins. Hurray for me.

Day 75 of my Year to Live "should" have seen me getting on a plane to Florida to visit my mom and dad who are vacationing there. From there I would fly to Chicago to be with my in-laws for my first passover with my in-laws. Yipppeee!!!

Shoulda, woulda, coulda. By late yesterday it was becoming obvious that my trip to florida was not likely to happen. I was getting sick and getting sicker fast! I called my folks and warned them that I might not be on the flight as planned. I had a very rough night - up many times due to pain and discomfort. The phone woke me At 7:45 am. It was my mom calling to check in. Just by answering the phone she knew the answer. I would not be coming to visit. My flight was leaving without me in half an hour. We were both disappointed and we cried, said I love yous and I fell back asleep. When I woke again later I had another little cry. Yes, I was really sad. I would rather be visiting my folks than lying in bed in pain. That's true. And yet after my cry, I was able to accept that this is what's true for me right now. I don't know why I had to get sick now, when i had "better" plans. I do know that lying in bed unable to do much else has allowed my mind to wander and I've come up with a few creative ideas. (I won't say they're good ideas, but they are creative!)

So my Year to Live experience has gotten a little more REAL. The texture of this experience is different from the high of swimming with dolphins, but it's no less important, in fact there is a similarity to it. The themes of Intention, Acceptance, Surrender, Gratitude are ever present now as they were then. I had the intention to travel today to see my beloved family. I accepted yesterday that it might not happened. I surrendered to the reality that I was unable to get out of bed. I'm grateful for the love and acceptance I have with my family. I'm grateful for the ideas I have flowing through my mind. I'm grateful that I have a super comfortable bed in which to spend the day, a mellow dog to hang out with, and a loving husband to care for me.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die"
~ Malachy McCourt

In the experiment A YEAR TO LIVE, I invited the participants to review their life and become aware of the many people for whom they felt gratitude and appreciation, as well as those who might need to be forgiven. For me, it was a very powerful experience. I remembered an exercise I had done in forgiveness many years ago, and how free I felt once I really had completely forgiven this person. It was like a weight had been lifted from me, and space had been cleared in my brain for more creative thinking. I encouraged the participants to do the same exercise if they came across people who needed forgiving.

This week one of the participants wrote this in our forum:

"I have been working on forgiveness off and on since January as part of my Year and because the word/notion kept on popping up in books, websites, conversations so I knew I had to pay attention to what the "little"voice was saying. My meditation guide told me to meditate on forgiveness and I couldn't forgive my ex for what he had done to me, couldn't forgive my father for what he had done to me -during that meditation. It was a huge block.

And then out of the blue a few days later during a totally different meditation, it was there, overwhelmingly so, very emotional. But I knew when I came out of the meditation that the process of forgiveness had started. Within weeks I can say that yes I have forgiven my ex and my father and my life has never been better, lighter, happier. It seems so easy now looking back, but I know it took work, hard work. Work that I'm proud of, grateful for the Universe being there for me every step of the way, gently guiding me over the hurdles until the hurdles just dissolved and I know these hurdles and pain are gone now for good. Amazing that now that that dark cloud has been lifted how much sunshine there is!!!"

I know this woman has taken this year's experiment to heart and is doing everything with such gusto. Reading how this experience of forgiveness brought even more sunshine into her life, filled me with delight.

Let life kill you with delight

Every day I hear or see something that more or less kills me with delight,

That leaves me like a needle in the haystack of light. It was what I was born for - to look, to listen, to lose myself inside this soft world - to instruct myself over and over in joy and acclamation.

~Mary Oliver

Every day you pass by hundreds of doorways. These doorways lead to secret gardens of pleasure. They are everywhere around you. Voices whisper from the other side of the door, beckoning you to enter: to bathe you in the delightful sights, sounds and smells, textures, tastes and experiences the divine has waiting for you.

Most days you pass right by these doorways. You are in a hurry, pre-occupied, going somewhere you really need to get to. As you pass by the gardens in your busy life all the pleasures waiting for you release a collective sigh - their disappointment that once again they miss out on the joy of enchanting you.

What gardens? What doorways? Where are they?

All around you. You discover them when you remember what it's like to be a child. You find sacred beauty in everything around you.

My god-daughter Faith was walking with her mom when she was about four. She said to her, "Mom, don't walk so fast. You miss all the excitement that way." In her childhood brilliance Faith new that the real excitement wasn't to be found in where they were going, but was right there in front of them on the way. It was in the flowers they were passing that had opened when yesterday they had been closed buds. It was in the puddle that was the perfect size to for making big splashes. It was in the rocks she discovered that differed in colour from the ones she had already collected.

That wonder at the simple things in life is the wonder of the magical child. It's in all of us. It's just that she hasn't come out to play in a while. She doesn't rush. She needs to be coaxed out of hiding. Deadlines, goals, and hurrying make her run for cover. While she understands that you, the grown, have to live with all of this, she's just waiting for a moment when you can slow down, be a bit quiet, maybe even still. If you do that, she might just take you by the hand and lead you to the gardens. She knows where all of them are.

So this week I invite you to pay attention to nature, and look for the many doorways that lead to the gardens. Here are just a few ideas:

1. Just take a moment to look at the moon every night. Isn't it amazing that even though the changes from night to night are slight, she is always transforming. She becomes completely round and full only, to release it all until there is nothing left. Then she does it all over again.

2. If you are morning person, watch the sunrise. Do you notice that everyday it's rising a bit earlier, and it's position is changing ever so slightly? Same thing with the sunset. It's a little later everyday, and it's moving along the horizon as well.

3. Are there buds you hadn't noticed on a tree you pass everyday? Watch the changing of buds to blooms.

4. Listen for the noises that are pleasing. You might be surprised at the sweet sounds you can hear in the heart of the city.

5. Notice the changing produce in the grocery store. Caress the produce that's new to you. Feel the weight of it in your hands.

6. Run your hands along a rosemary bush, lavender plant, hug a tree.

There are millions of ways to pay attention. Doing so will turn the mundane in your life into the extraordinary.

The ordinary, the mundane and the simple will "kill you with delight" as Mary Oliver says.

Then share your experiences on your Bcelebrated site, or create a private page for someone you love and let them in on this little secret.

Can A Year to Live Make You More Successful? Responsible?

We're 69 days into our year to live and so far nobody's blown all their cash, quit their job, left their marriage or lost their home. In fact, quite the opposite is true.

When I tell people about A Year to Live some people immediately respond that they'd quit they're job, spend all their money, and blow their diet but after only a few minutes, every single person has changed their mind.

You may recall that when I sent out this challenge I received hate mail from a man named Fred. He told me I was irresponsible and reprehensible because those who joined my experiment would end up penniless, homeless and I'd be to blame. Perhaps Fred was only expressing his own knee-jerk reaction to this challenge? If he'd thought about it a bit more, maybe he'd realize as others have, that a year of hedonistic abandon may not really be his soul's deepest longing.

I've been impressed with the priorities people have set for themselves and the accomplishments people have made already.

• One participant told me that she's much more focused on her relationship with her husband, and taking more responsibility for creating a loving tone in their marriage.

• Another admitted that the first week of feeling what it would mean to have A Year to Live was an exhausting roller coaster of tears. She was tired of living in the moment and wanted to crawl back into bed when Monday rolled around. But instead started doing her job as if she only had a year. She felt focused but not stressed or overwhelmed. She approached a potential client she'd been trying to attract for over a year in this new "year to live" way, and she got the account.

• One participant shocked herself when she realized the number two item on her bucket list was to get out of debt.

• Margaret Floyd of EAT NAKED admitted that A Year to Live helped her take her focus off her financial goals and focus more on what she can give her clients as their nutritional therapist. She's even writing her book to help more people. It will be completed within the year.

What do you think you'd accomplish if you only had a year to live? What legacy would you want to leave for others?

Join Bcelebrated and leave a legacy of love and inspiration for those you will leave behind one day.

Swimming With Dolphins

Intention, Acceptance, Surrender, Gratitude

These four words were the theme of my week in Hawaii. Immediately after deciding to experiment with a Year to Live I created a bucket list. It isn't long: 1) spend more time with the people I love and 2) swim in the wild with dolphins.

Just after I wrote it, the chance to meet my girlfriend Nancy and her family on the big island of Hawaii presented itself. Seemed like an opportunity to check items off the list. We found a wonderful house to stay, booked our flights, and momentum carried us the rest of the way. If I was a more organized person I would have spent at least a bit of time researching what's involved in swimming with dolphins. I know when dealing with wild beings there's never a guarantee, but a little research might have increased the odds that it would actually happen.

A few people recommended places where I could swim with dolphins in captivity, but I love these creatures too much to do that. To me it's the equivalent of putting good gentle humans in jail so another species can be entertained by us and learn about us. Dolphins live with their families (pods) for their entire lives, communicate with each other through individual whistle sounds, can swim up to 20 mph and travel 3 - 7 miles a day. Their skin is made up of live cells and is incredibly sensitive, with no protection from bumps and bruises. In captivity they are taken from their pods, forced to swim in small circles, subjected to harmful noises, and handled by people for long periods of time. None of this is "natural" or healthy for them. Perhaps one of the saddest facts about dolphins in captivity is that tens of thousands of dolphins are killed each year during the hunt to provide dolphins for aquariums and "swim with dolphins" locations. It would break my heart to be part of this, as much as I want to experience them up close.

Back to Hawaii. The week was more than I could have hoped for. Lots of time to connect with my friends, time to play with my god-daugther Faith, beautiful sunrises, yoga, fabulous food and a community of interesting people who invited us to parties and took us on a hikes across the black lava fields, and to lush waterfalls. It was heaven. When I inquired about swimming with dolphins I got mixed responses: Yes, dolphins are spotted occassionaly at the black beach where we were staying. No, dolphins hadn't been seen there in a month. A few people recommended I drive up to Kona and take a boat tour which would pretty much guarantee that I'd see them.

Over the past two months decision-making has become much clearer for me. It was more important to spend time with my friends, than take a day away from our short trip to swim with dolphins. A bucket list is not a bunch of items to be checked off as accomplished at any cost, but rather meaningful experiences that I want to savor.

It had been my Intention to swim with them. I Accepted that it wasn't likely to happen. I Surrendered to the flow of the trip that lead from one great experience to another, and I was Grateful for the time to connect with my friends in a beautiful, warm location.

On the final morning before our flight I sat in meditation just before the sun rose. I had the strangest feeling that the dolphins were calling. My husband and I walked down to the black sand beach as the sun was rising. The water was calm and warmer than it had been. Far out there were two people swimming. I told Mark, "They're swimming with dolphins". And they were. We swam out and joined them. They welcomed us as friends. The woman sang through her snorkel mask and the dolphins LOVED it. Sticking close to her, we were surrounded by the pod of 20+ spinner dolphins. It was better than I could have hoped for. It was private and magical. The dolphins were playful and graceful and they filled my heart. I cried with gratitude for the gift that they are. It was so much more than an item to check off my list.

Shilpa's Year to Live - Week Six

A year to live by Shilpa

The past few weeks, I have been busy with family, friends and work. I did have a chance to head out to Mammoth for some R&R. The snow conditions were remarkable and I was miserable to say the least that I was not able to ski. I love to ski, it is one of my few passions and can’t wait to get my kids on the slopes. However, this ski trip was different, because it did cross my mind what if this is my last year and this is my last opportunity to hit the slopes. How am I feeling? Well I was extremely depressed and tried to put on a good face for the group. I did take this opportunity to bond with my friends over spa treatments and food. This was especially nice, since we all left our kids behind. We all had the opportunity to focus on each other and actually finish a conversation. I love my friends and to me there are my family.

I also saw the light - Moving forward I am not going to put off something I love to do. For the past few years, I have only gone up to the mountains once maybe twice a season. This is not cool. Since skiing is something I truly enjoy and can only be done certain times during year, I need to reprioritize. Skiing is a luxury and I need to budget for it. It also takes some effort to drive out to the mountains and actually plan accommodations etc… Luckily, I love to plan so this is easy. Finally, I just need to be better about committing, packing and heading out the door with family, friends or alone.

n addition to work and play, I have been working on my “Bucket List.” I have created two sheets, as Debra from Bcelebrated suggested. 1. MY TO DO LIST and 2. MY TO BE LIST.

My “To Do” list is mostly comprised of travel destinations, adventure activities etc.. A few examples: Complete the Malibu Triathlon, Go to Base Camp at Everest, Take pottery classes, Take up Buddhish Chanting, Rent a Villa in France or Italy and spend a week or so wine tasting and cooking. For this, I definitely need my sister and brother-in-law to show up. They are the foodies in our family! Heli-ski in Canada, Stay at the Ice Hotel, Have a meal at the Undersea Restaurant in the Maldives.

My “To Be” list is comprised of characteristics that I want to improve on, stop doing or begin to express. This list is definitely more challenging to create. I have to become more introspective and really look at myself in a honest and unbiased light. I am still working on this list but can share a few entries: Be more calm, Be healthy, Be more giving to the community, Prioritize me more than I do now, Accept all compliments and criticisms objectively, not personally, Be a parent who is open, empathic and involved. These are a few.

s I began to create these lists, I have found that they are inseparable. In order for me to complete my “To Be” list I need to have follow-up actions on my “To Do” list. Vice versa, the items on my “To Do” list need to be back by the type of person I want to be. Confused yet? For example, if I need to be more “calm” then I need to do an activity i.e. pottery class, Buddhist chanting or Pilates to help me get there.

Something else came out of me creating these lists. Things actually started to happen. For example, when I started to tell people I want to go Heli-skiing and take up Buddhist chanting , I started to meet people who have connections, information and deals to help me get what I need. It is amazing the power the universe provides to you once you are clear in your goals. My advice- write it down!

Finally, my sister has always wanted to climb Half Dome, so for her birthday this year she is planning a trip and I am going to do it with her. It will be about 2 ½ months after I deliver so hopefully it will work out. But it is on her “To Do” list and I want to help her achieve her goals. Not to mention, it is a good one so I have also added it to my list! Thanks Sis for the idea. I give you all the credit LOL!

A Year to Live - A Life In Review

It is said that when facing a death many people see their life flash before their eyes. I decided not to wait to the end. Rather than a flash it was more of a feature film played out on the big screen of my imagination. I relaxed and let my mind float from one memory to another. I was felt such deep appreciation for the wonderful people in my life, the chance to live in three great cities and one amazing small village, have a career full of challenging, meaningful work that excited me, and the many experiences of love I've had. I was so grateful, feeling deeply how great my life really has been, how rich and full, and truly satisfying.

The experience held some surprises for me. People I hadn't spoken to or thought about in years came to mind. After meditating on it all, I wrote down the memories. I found myself compelled to reach out and find some of the people from my past. It was wonderful to express my gratitude for the joy of knowing them at some point in my life. In a few situations there was a voice inside my brain that tried to stop me, and I'll tell you why.

During my late teens and early twenties I was very involved in a church. The beliefs, activities and community of the church were all consuming for me. At 21 I realized that I had lost myself during those years. I had joined the church after a deeply personal spiritual experience that I could only define as God. Overwhelmed by this touch of grace and wanting to know more, I was lead to this church. I parroted the churches teachings without checking inside myself. I gave up many things I loved so that I would fit in. Eventually, I no longer knew who I really was, and I didn't like many aspects of who I had become. I felt that the only way to get to know myself was to pull away from the church. A clean break was needed so I could do some soul searching and exploration to learn what was true for me. Separating from the church I also cut myself off from the community, which included a few very close friends. It was the loneliest time of my life, but I felt a need to endure this dark period to reap the rewards of much needed self discovery. For years following I was a seeker. It's much more "comfortable" to be sure than to seek, but seeking was what I needed to do.

Over the years I have thought about a few friends from this church, wondering where life has lead them. I had impulses to reach out and find them, but pangs of guilt and shame stopped me every time. I had turned my back on their beliefs and their friendship. Why would they ever welcome me back? And if they did, would our relationship be riddled with attempts to convert me. I didn't feel strong enough to face all that reconnecting might entail, until I was faced with A YEAR TO LIVE.

During my life review I remembered these friends who had once been so dear to me. I knew that I would regret reaching the end of my life without telling them how much I loved them, how much their friendship had meant to me, and sharing with them who I have become.

Thanks to the internet I found them easily. I shared with them where my life had taken me, what I'd learned about myself and what I believe and no longer believe at this stage of my life. I didn't know how they would respond, and I realized as I wrote to them that their response was not the point. My expression of love, gratitude and truth-telling was.

Then I got an email that was a far bigger blessing than I could have imagined from one friend, "I can't tell you in words small or great, just how wonderful it is to be in contact with you again," he wrote. "If I drew a time line of my life, and gave it different tones and colors according to my reflections of my time, your space would definitely be bright." I was moved to tears.

I'm sharing this with you to encourage you to act before it's too late. It would be a shame to get to the end of your life and know that you had impulses to reach out and connect with loved-ones from your past and didn't do it. If you never take the chance you'll never get the reward.

Bcelebrated is a great way to reach out to people in your life and leave them words that will comfort them long after you are gone. Sign up for a Free Trial today.

Are you ready to stop weighting?

When we developed Bcelebrated it was with the intention to inspire people to live life more fully as we helped them prepare for death. To do that we run contests, host social experiments to enliven participants, and provide expert advice on issues that hold people back from living life to the fullest.

At this time of year thousands of people start drastic diets and intense exercise regimes to lose the weight that's keep them from fully enjoying their life. Having seen many friends start diets only to fall of the wagon weeks later feeling defeated, we thought it would be good to provide some expert advice on how to shed pounds in a way that is holistic and long lasting. That's why we've teamed up with Stacey Grieve of Why Are You Weighting - to help you live the life you really want, at your ideal weight. Stacey is an expert at shedding pounds and keeping them off... for GOOD! You can enter our contest and win a 15 week coaching program where Stacey will teach you how to do the same. This coaching program is valued at $899.00.

Stop weighting and ENTER THE CONTEST TODAY

The contest closes January 31, so please share the information with your friends and family before it's too late.

When I say Stacey's an expert, I mean it. When it comes to Weight Loss she can really say, "Been there, Done that, Wrote the book." When I met Stacey she weighed over 300 lbs. For years I watched her try every diet and workout plan. No one was ever a more determined than Stacey. Each plan had varying degrees of success, but they all had one thing in common: the results were temporary. After months and months of portioned meals, counting calories, cardio, weights and whatever else her plan required, Stacey would reach her goal only to find herself creeping back up the scales shortly after. It was heartbreaking to see, but even more heartbreaking for her to experience. But for some reason she never gave up.

Then about a decade ago Stacey started studying the connection between the mind and body, and how our thoughts create feelings, which lead to actions, which create more thoughts, feelings, etc. She applied this knowledge to her own life, and was able to trace her problems with weight back to earlier thoughts and feelings she developed about herself while growing up. Once she became aware of the source of her problem, she was able to address it properly, rather than mask the issues with another diet and exercise plan.

Proving that she was able to maintain her lower weight for years without dieting or excessive, potentially dangerous workout plans Stacey wrote a book and began teaching others to do the same. The program works for anyone who's interested in learning more about themselves and why they do the things they do.

Enter the contest and let Stacey coach you through a proven program to stop weighting.