Celebrating Caroline Flanders

What does it mean to be a life-cycle celebrant?

A "Life-Cycle Celebrant (R)" ("Celebrant") is a professional officiant who has undergone training and certification through the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (CFI). CFI is a *world-wide* organization with thousands of Celebrants from all walks of life and all ages. A Celebrant has mastered the craft of active listening and creative writing to bring forth a unique ceremony that is a true reflection of the values and beliefs of their client. Celebrants officiate ceremonies for all of life's experiences incorporating appropriate readings, music, and ritual. A Celebrant has a holistic and inclusive world view which brings forth an opportunity to mark the milestones of life in religious or non-religious context, spiritual or secular. Embracing the call of serving as a Life-Cycle Celebrant (R) is to serve in a vocation in which one provides companionship and clarity to the people served, bringing forth a poignant and visceral experience of crossing a threshold through ceremony.

Was there a moment you decided to work with people at the end of their life,

or was it a natural progression?

My vocation has been a life-long unfolding. I can remember a time at a very early age when the seeds were planted that ultimately brought me to this work. I also realize that my call has likely not reached its full expression. I continue to evolve and grow in my practice to depths previously unimagined. My professional experience was marked by service in the health care arena for nearly 25 years, including employment at the City of Hope Cancer Center and later Long Island East End Hospice. At some point, I discovered that I had the heart and the capacity for companioning individuals who were faced with end-of-life. This work is certainly not for everyone. It takes a willingness to surrender, be unequivocally present, and to simply be a channel of grace bringing forth the experience that is needed in each unique situation. Now, in my mid-forties, I am an owner of a funeral establishment and have a thriving practice as a Life-Cycle Celebrant officiating end-of-life ceremonies. I am also a graduate holding a Bachelor of Theology and a licensed prayer practitioner with the Centers for Spiritual Living. My past experience of working with the ill and the bereaved, coupled with my grounded spiritual awareness and practice, allows me to bring a depth of care and true compassion to my work. It is absolutely a "calling" and one which I embrace with both humility and passion. I love my work and I am enthusiastic about where my continued journey will lead me.

You're a very attractive young woman -

Are people surprised by you when you show up to officiate a funeral?

Ah shucks, Debra ~ This is a *good* one! It actually does come up quite a bit. Not so much being considered attractive as being a female in a male-dominant career. I think that people are more surprised by my role as a leader and companion in funeral directing than they are when I am present as a chaplain or celebrant. I believe that the mainstream has grown accustomed to seeing women in helping roles, particularly those roles which are spiritual in nature. When I show up at a bedside to bring someone's body into my care, it is very common for me to hear a reaction from family members who are surprised that a petite, "young" woman is doing this work. Once I go deeper into the continuum of care, working closely with the family in making and carrying out arrangements, they soon discover that the softness and nurturing presence I exude is real and is part of who I am. When I show up to officiate a service, especially for Veterans, there is a softening among the people when I am introduced as a Veteran myself and the people realize that I am their spiritual guide and chaplain for their ceremony. When I share with people my background experiences, that I was in the military and now that I own a funeral establishment, they are usually surprised!

What is it that keeps you inspired in the work that you do?

Pure grace. Grace is the unfolding of awe and wonder when I am given even the smallest glimpse of the impact of being a companion at end of life has on a family who is enduring a deeply sad experience. It is *always* a privilege to serve.

Is there a ceremony that stands out as being particularly meaningful or unique?

Truly, *every* ceremony brings forth a unique and poignant "healing." With that said, I had a remarkable opportunity to work with a couple who had lost their newborn daughter when they were stationed on Guam as a young Navy family....44 years prior to my becoming involved with their "arrangement." The young parents had no other options at the time of their daughter's death but to inter her at the Navy burial ground overseas. Over the ensuing decades, they felt a deep sense of grief and a longing to "bring their daughter home" so that they could feel near to her and so that they could feel as if they "had her in their care." I had the opportunity to serve as their Funeral Director in bringing their daughter's remains back to the United States and arranging for her placement at the National Cemetery in San Diego at Point Loma. Along the way, we became very close and I realized that I probably was the perfect companion for them, me being the very same age as their beloved daughter. Together, we co-created a marvelous and beautiful ceremony for the baby's final committal. Lullabies were sung, bubbles were blown, and Mom and Dad had the opportunity to cradle the tiny urn in their arms before laying their daughter to final rest. It was an experience which I will never, ever forget.

Can you tell us a bit about what it's like for people to plan their end of life ceremony

while they are alive?

Start the conversation! Embrace the opportunities, the moments of grace, when you are in a space to communicate your intimate wishes with your beloved family. Make it fun. Celebrate your uniqueness and have a laugh or two. Thinking ahead does not have to be filled with dread or sadness; for therein lies a most excellent opportunity to reflect on the important milestones of your life journey, to bring an expression of love and gratitude to the people who touched your life, and to bring clarity and peace of mind to those who will ultimately carry out your care. Thinking ahead to end of life goes far beyond establishing financial trusts or making funeral arrangements. While those endeavors are crucially important, engaging in life review and actually recording your thoughts and wishes remains a healing event for you personally and a comforting, guiding tool for your loved ones at your time of need. Looking at all aspects of final care, including a personal life review and individual communications to those who have touched your life, brings forth a sense of peace, clarity, and freedom unlike any other possible experience. Your final commemoration, in whatever form it takes, is a final gift to those you leave behind. A ceremony marks this essential threshold of life and gives the bereaved an opportunity to meet this end and step into a new experience of life without your physical presence. That life becomes infinite and all ways available to them by their fondest memories. Embrace the opportunity to be in this conversation.

How important do you think this is?

Like any practice, engaging in this thought process and being in conversation about end of life is easier and easier with time. The veil of mystery and the dread of loss softens as focus is turned to illuminate the many gifts and treasures of *life*. Bypassing the conversations surrounding death only serves to bring the pain full-force when the event ultimately occurs. Life review and preparation brings a significant peace of mind and an opportunity to embrace final moments with clarity and absolute presence.

Since you are always aware of death. what inspired you to join A Year to Live?

I saw my experiment as an opportunity to *finally* get my own affairs in order in a *significant* and holistic way. Not so much as an opportunity to see "what it feels like" to consider end of life, I am familiar with that; but rather, an opportunity to put into personal practice what I seem to teach to people all around me. It is my sincere desire to leave a legacy of clarity and organized affairs so that my family will not be placed into the throes of chaos not knowing what my wishes are and not knowing where to begin in settling my affairs.

Perhaps more than anything, Bcelebrated is giving me the container to outline my specific desires of how I wish to THANK and COMMEMORATE *OTHERS* who have touched *my* life! When my friends and family show up for my final ceremony, they will know exactly how much I loved them and exactly how they touched my life. My immediate next of kin will know exactly how to settle my business affairs and what steps to take to close out those many earthly things. A Year to Live has be a beacon in my process of taking steps to provide this gift to my family at my end.

Can you share any insights or experiences that have come from doing this experiment?

Oh boy! I came to full realization that I really have not been organized and "ready." I have had thoughts and ideas about end of life and what I might leave behind. However, I never realized the full extent of how important it is to arrange my affairs so that it is truly an experience of ease and grace for my family. I still have a great deal to do! With that said, BCelebrated gives me a touchstone and a perfect container to build and store those "affairs."

You can reach Caroline Flanders at:

http://www.celebrantoflife.com

Office: (760) 723-9241

A Year to Live - A Life In Review

It is said that when facing a death many people see their life flash before their eyes. I decided not to wait to the end. Rather than a flash it was more of a feature film played out on the big screen of my imagination. I relaxed and let my mind float from one memory to another. I was felt such deep appreciation for the wonderful people in my life, the chance to live in three great cities and one amazing small village, have a career full of challenging, meaningful work that excited me, and the many experiences of love I've had. I was so grateful, feeling deeply how great my life really has been, how rich and full, and truly satisfying.

The experience held some surprises for me. People I hadn't spoken to or thought about in years came to mind. After meditating on it all, I wrote down the memories. I found myself compelled to reach out and find some of the people from my past. It was wonderful to express my gratitude for the joy of knowing them at some point in my life. In a few situations there was a voice inside my brain that tried to stop me, and I'll tell you why.

During my late teens and early twenties I was very involved in a church. The beliefs, activities and community of the church were all consuming for me. At 21 I realized that I had lost myself during those years. I had joined the church after a deeply personal spiritual experience that I could only define as God. Overwhelmed by this touch of grace and wanting to know more, I was lead to this church. I parroted the churches teachings without checking inside myself. I gave up many things I loved so that I would fit in. Eventually, I no longer knew who I really was, and I didn't like many aspects of who I had become. I felt that the only way to get to know myself was to pull away from the church. A clean break was needed so I could do some soul searching and exploration to learn what was true for me. Separating from the church I also cut myself off from the community, which included a few very close friends. It was the loneliest time of my life, but I felt a need to endure this dark period to reap the rewards of much needed self discovery. For years following I was a seeker. It's much more "comfortable" to be sure than to seek, but seeking was what I needed to do.

Over the years I have thought about a few friends from this church, wondering where life has lead them. I had impulses to reach out and find them, but pangs of guilt and shame stopped me every time. I had turned my back on their beliefs and their friendship. Why would they ever welcome me back? And if they did, would our relationship be riddled with attempts to convert me. I didn't feel strong enough to face all that reconnecting might entail, until I was faced with A YEAR TO LIVE.

During my life review I remembered these friends who had once been so dear to me. I knew that I would regret reaching the end of my life without telling them how much I loved them, how much their friendship had meant to me, and sharing with them who I have become.

Thanks to the internet I found them easily. I shared with them where my life had taken me, what I'd learned about myself and what I believe and no longer believe at this stage of my life. I didn't know how they would respond, and I realized as I wrote to them that their response was not the point. My expression of love, gratitude and truth-telling was.

Then I got an email that was a far bigger blessing than I could have imagined from one friend, "I can't tell you in words small or great, just how wonderful it is to be in contact with you again," he wrote. "If I drew a time line of my life, and gave it different tones and colors according to my reflections of my time, your space would definitely be bright." I was moved to tears.

I'm sharing this with you to encourage you to act before it's too late. It would be a shame to get to the end of your life and know that you had impulses to reach out and connect with loved-ones from your past and didn't do it. If you never take the chance you'll never get the reward.

Bcelebrated is a great way to reach out to people in your life and leave them words that will comfort them long after you are gone. Sign up for a Free Trial today.