Anti-longevity?

After writing about our fear of mortality I received a few emails from people who wondered why I was opposed to longevity. Let me be clear ~ I am not anti-longevity. If you can have a good long life I am all for it. 100%.

That is if you can have a good long life. Just a long life, well that doesn't really turn my crank.

I'm more interested in quality than quantity:

• I'd rather have one intimate face to face conversation than 1000 facebook friends.
• I'd prefer a bite of rich organic chocolate than a handful of smarties.
• I'd take one night of conscious love-making than a lifetime of empty sex.

I understand our obsession with wanting more. I've lived most of my life not knowing the when enough is enough. But as I sink deep into this Year To Live I'm not really concerned about the length of my life, I'm interested in the quality of my life.

What is the quality of your life?

Are you obsessed with longevity, hoping that life will become more meaningful later on when you have time, or are you embracing your life right now, knowing that this moment is all you have?

When we Stop Fearing Mortality

When we embrace our mortality we embrace our humanity, and there is the potential of great joy in just being human. I discovered that by spending time with people who were close to death. The honesty, humility, wisdom, and love that emerges during times of vulnerability cracks me open and fills me with awe. That's why we created Bcelebrated - to help people find the simple joy that comes from being human, sharing love, thoughts, and stories.

Our society has embraced a pathological denial of death, an obsession with retaining ones youth, and a compulsion to increase longevity.

A participant in A Year to Live asked me the other day if this project is easier for young people or older people. He's in his 70's and this experiment is causing him to evaluate his life and passions and get clear on the gifts he must share with the world. I don't know the answer to his question, but I assume the experience is more relevant to one in the second half of life than it would be to one in the first half of life.

This participant told me that he'd read studies that it's possible to live to 150 years old and asked what I thought of that. "Why?" was my response. "Why would we want to live to 150 when so few of us are actually living now?" I imagine that evaluating his life as he has done in this experiment, it might be reassuring to have a life expectancy of eighty more years stretched out before him, but there's a sense of urgency that comes when time is running out. A sharpness of focus comes to life when we realize we're nearing the end.

So many of us live our lives unconsciously, driven by our habits and fears. Pushing the finish line farther away is what so many people are trying to do now, and it doesn't seem to be giving their life meaning.

Cherishing my human experiences, accepting what comes my way, relishing my relationships, and nurturing my connection to all that is divine becomes the core of my life when I embrace my own mortality and realize that I won't have 100 more years to enjoy my life. I may only have today.

A deeper connection with mom

I don't know if it's just because Mother's Day is right around the corner but young moms seem to be coming out of the woodwork to tell us here at Bcelebrated how much they appreciate the chance to leave private pages for their kids. This was not something we had expected. We thought that the service would appeal mostly to boomers who were facing their own mortality, or helping their aging parents make the transition.

It turns out that becoming a mom inspires some women to face their own mortality. To our surprise young and not so young moms are catching on to the benefits of Bcelebrated faster than anyone. They are vitally aware of the cycle of life and the importance of leaving a message of love that will last forever.

When my girlfriend Nancy told me why Bcelebrated was important to her it helped me understand the perspective of moms. She said:

"I lost my mother when my daughter was born so I know what a void a departed mother can leave. I have often wondered how I could help prepare my own daughter for this difficult transition when that time comes for her. As emotional as this thought can be, Bcelebrated gives me a unique way to comfort her in some way when I am gone. I have things I would love to share with her about life and about my life in particular that she won't truly appreciate until she is older and more experienced, maybe even as a mother herself. In writing the private page for my her it brings into focus the things I want to tell her. And this opens up a possibility of a deeper connection now while I am still alive."

I'm especially drawn to the idea that as Nancy writes private messages to her daugther, messages that will not be read until my friend has passed away, it opens up the possibility of a deeper connection between the two of them now.

 

I don't have a daughter, but I am a daughter, and it got me thinking...

What if I wrote a letter to my mom with the thought that she would read it only after I am gone? Might I open up a possibility of a deeper connection with her now? 

I don't know the answer but I'm going to find out.

Why not try it with me? 

Write what you would say to your mom if you knew you were going to die. 

How does it shift your relationship just to write it out? Do you feel more gratitude, are you compelled to share the letter with her now? 

Let me know if you try this, with your mom (or daughter), and what you discover. 

Happy Mother's Day