Fail at Something

Is fear of failure keeping you from doing something? anything?

If so, my advice to you is to go fail at something. Get it out of the way. Learn that you will actually live through failure. You may even learn from it. You'll grow from it. Failure leads to discovery, invention and progress. If you aren't failing you aren't progressing in your life.

I'll take it a step further and say that if you aren't failing you aren't really living. To really live takes risk. It's the people who fall over in a yoga pose that are stretching themselves, pushing themselves and learning new ways to be in their bodies. If you have never fallen flat on your mat then you've never really done yoga.

This very advice is what I gave to a friend of mine earlier this year. I was saddened seeing her live on the sidelines of her own life. Her fear of failure kept her paralyzed in the pursuit of her own dreams, while she analyzed, evaluated and critiqued others who were attempting to achieve theirs. With love I mustered the courage to say to her "Just go fail at something". And she took it to heart.

A few weekends ago she emailed me to tell me she was following my advice. She was going to audition for a dance company. Twenty years prior she had been a dancer. A beautiful, gifted, graceful dancer. Now she sat on the couch watching Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. The greatest thing about this note from her was that she was completely unattached to the outcome. She was putting herself out by auditioning and she was doing it for the love of the dance, and the love she was able to muster for herself.

A few days later she called me as she was driving home from the audition. She laughed as she said "They didn't expect me. Fifty years old and fifty pounds overweight. But I did it. They were gracious. I was stiff. I did my best. I'm glad I did it". Our conversation was so lighthearted and joyful. Rarely had I heard her sound so free. It made my heart sing. Then yesterday she let me know that she made it. She got in the dance company. This November I'll be going to her first performance. And all this because she was willing to fail.

Fear is natural. It can save your life at times, but if you let it run you it will zap your life. The way to overcome fear is always love. If you can harness the love you have for some thing, some experience, someone else or yourself you can overcome the fear of failure.

And let's be honest, you've already failed a million times in your life. You've just forgotten.

If you weren't willing to fail you would still be sitting in a wet diaper waiting for someone to pick you up. It was that desire to get somewhere that got you crawling, and then walking. You didn't just decide one day to walk and then glide across the floor gracefully. No, you stumbled onto your wobbly legs and threw on foot in front of the other, falling on your bum more often than reaching your destination. People probably gathered round and cheered you on. They called your name. They believed you could do it. They were invested in your success. And what did you do?

You failed and you failed and then you failed again. Nobody stopped loving you. Nobody abandoned you. They loved you every time you tumbled, hit your face on the coffee table and cried.

So if you really want to live, go fail at something.