Die Without Regrets

Recently a good friend sent me this blog post written by Bonnie Ware, a nurse who works with people who are dying. She listed the five top regrets that people say out loud on their death beds. I recommend you read it and find inspiration to live the way you want to now, so you can die without regrets.

As I read the list I realized what a great experience it had been to live 2010 as if I only had A Year to Live. By doing that experiment I overcame what could have amounted to regrets later on.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

While I've lived true to myself most of my life, living as if I was dying gave me the courage to listen to that quiet voice inside me and follow my heart even more. Often in the past I would have overridden my own soul's longing if I thought it would make other people unhappy. Near the end of the my Year to Live my heart lead me to a cabin in the middle of Arizona where I spent a month alone. It was hard to explain to the people who loved me why I wanted to spend a month alone when I only had 3 months "left to live". I couldn't explain it because I didn't know why. I just knew my heart was calling me to it. I trusted it, even though I couldn't understand it or defend it. I discovered that by following my heart actually made others happy too. Even those who'd struggled with my decision were inspired by it.

What would it take for you to live true to yourself? Where are you holding back?

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

I gave that up a long time ago, but the voices in my head kept telling me to do more and work harder. It's a tough voice to ignore but in doing so I've found a great joy in doing less. There's a beauty in living at a pace that supports my natural rhythms and allows me to be really present with others, rather than rushing from one thing to the next as I use to.

Are you working harder than you really want to be? What beliefs keep you doing that?

What changes could you make that would enable you to work less?

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

This has been an ongoing process for me, and one I continue to work on. I found that living as if I was dying opened me up to be more expressive about my feelings, and not just the good ones. I expressed my love more openly, but I also felt my sorrow and rage. I cried in movies and pounded pillows when I was angry. It was, and continues to be, incredibly enlivening. Feelings are just energy moving through us and it can take a lot of energy to hold them in. By giving them expression we open ourselves up to more energy flowing through our bodies, our relationships and our lives.

Notice the next time you're holding something in. What would it take to express it?

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I'm actually pretty good about staying in touch with people, but in my Year to Live experiment a group of friends from my teen years kept coming to mind. They were part of a church I had attended for several years. I left the church and them decades ago and though they came to mind often I felt that our differing beliefs created a river between us that couldn't be crossed. I have never tested this theory. As my year was drawing to a close I realized I would regret not reaching out to them. I found them all thanks to Facebook and discovered that they still loved me, had been thinking about me, and a bridge had been built over that river years ago. All I had to do was cross it.

Who comes to mind that you don't call because it's been too long? If you knew you were going to die would you call them? Well, you are going to die one day - so call them!

If you find it difficult to express yourself in person, write down all you want to say in a private page on your Bcelebrated account. It will continue to touch someone even after you are gone.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

I have struggled with that in the past, and still do at times. I find that my life is so good that I feel guilty for having this much joy, especially when others are suffering. I hold myself back from feeling as happy as I really am. I am expanding my own capacity for joy and happiness and I invite you to do the same.

What would really make you happy? Choose it.